Celebs Quotes and Sayings

1. As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.

2. Sure, it’s going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway.

3. Eight more days and I can start telling the truth again.

4. Time is an illusion, lunchtime, doubly so.

5. A friend is someone who has the same enemies you have.

6. We need an energy bill that encourages consumption.
- George Bush

7. Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubba

8. Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
- Euripides

Short Funny Quotes

1. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

2. The government is not doing enough about cleaning up the environment. This is a good planet.

3. The private enterprise system indicates that some people have higher incomes than others.

4. Patience is not a virtue, it is a waste of time.

5. Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.

6. I either Get what I want or I change my mind.
- Anonymous.

7. Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.

8. Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard

9. Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.
- Unknown

Very Funny Smart Quotes and Sayings

1. A lot of beautiful people are stupid. There’s a tremendous amount of idiots who look so good. It’s frightening.

2. If aliens are looking for intelligent life?! WHY THE HECK ARE YOU SCARED?!

3. A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

4. It’s good to be clever, but not to show it.

5. To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

6. A difference of tastes in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
- George Eliot

7. Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.
- Anonymous.

8. Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

9. To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.
- Voltaire

Very Funny Short Sayings and Quotes

1. It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.

2. I say no to drugs, but they don’t listen.

3. You can’t just let nature run wild.

4. Being cool, is not trying to be cool.

5. Golf is a good walk spoiled.
- Mark Twain

6. I am short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.
- Woody Allen

7. ARCHITECT is One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.
- Ambrose Bierce

8. Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard

9. To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.
- Gustave Flaubert

Funny Short Quotes and Sayings

1. It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.

2. STUPID = Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand.

3. If you have noticed this notice you will have noticed that this notice is not worth noticing

4. Divide and conquer.

5. If we let things terrify us, life will not be worth living.

6. Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

7. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
- George Burns

8. Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

9. Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change.
- Confucius

Smart Funny Sayings

1. Girls improve their looks not their mind, because they know guys are stupid, not blind.

2. And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. - Abraham Lincoln

3. Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own one. - W.C. Fields (Mississippi, 1935)

4. He who laughs first laughs last — if nobody laughs in the middle.

5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

6. Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything. - Frank Dane

7. Do you know karate? 'Cause your body is really kickin'.

8. Due to the shortage of great leaders, I have decided to follow myself.

9. The world is divided into people who do things--and people who get the credit.

10. If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

Very Funny Sayings

1. Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, ‘You’re only interested in one thing,’ and you can’t remember what it is.

2. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

3. Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.

4. Some say the glass is half empty, Some say the glass is half full, I say "are you gonna drink that?"

5. As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...

6. Beauty is power; a smile is its sword.

7. It's better to lose a lover than love a loser.

8. All generalizations are false, including this one.

9. Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is.

10. Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call fine print.

EMBARRASSING CELEB OOOPS

Here are some of the most famous CELEB OOOPS moments ever recorded… Jessica Simpson, Brittney Spears, Paris Hilton and a lot more.
Some of the funniest and most EMBARRASSING CELEB OOOPS SAYINGS are here.

1. What’s Wal-Mart?
Do they sell, like wall stuff ? — Paris Hilton

2. If you have intercourse you run the risk of dying and the ramifications of death are final. — Cyndi Lauper

3. Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost an important part of your life. — Brooke Shields

4. It’s really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people. — Axl Rose

5. I’d rather be dead than singing Satisfaction when I’m forty-five. — Mick Jagger

6. I’m so smart now. Everyone’s always like ‘take your top off.’ Sorry, NO! They always want to get that money shot. I’m not stupid. — Paris Hilton

7. On my first day of Jr. High I was in Geography class, and the teacher asked us if anybody knew the names of the continents. And I was sooo excited. I was like, Damnit! It’s my first day of 7th grade, Im in jr high and i know this answer. So i raised my hand I was the first one and I said A-E-I-O-U! - Jessica Simpson

Short Funny Sayings and Quotes

1. If you want your dreams to come true, don't sleep.

2. From the bottom plate of a lap top: DANGEROUS! DON’T SCREW OFF!

3. A song from your lips is an aria from heaven.

4. Whether you think you can, or that you can’t, you are usually right.

5. All this could be yours for one low, low price!

6. What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce. -Mark Twain

7. The bandage was wound around the wound.

8. The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job.

9. Woman want me, Fish fear me.

10. To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you too may one day be president of the United States. -George W. Bush

Funny Sayings and Quotes

1. A lawyer with a briefcase can steal more than a thousand men with guns.

2. They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

3. I wished the buck stopped here as I could use a few.

4. If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

5. Guy: “Haven’t we met before?”
Lady: “Maybe. I’m the receptionist at the VD Clinic.”

6. How can 'You're so cool' and 'You're not so hot' be different?

7. A day without sun shine is like, you know, night.

8. If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

9. A drunk mans’ words are a sober mans’ thoughts.

10. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.