Celebs Quotes and Sayings

1. As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.

2. Sure, it’s going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway.

3. Eight more days and I can start telling the truth again.

4. Time is an illusion, lunchtime, doubly so.

5. A friend is someone who has the same enemies you have.

6. We need an energy bill that encourages consumption.
- George Bush

7. Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubba

8. Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
- Euripides

Short Funny Quotes

1. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

2. The government is not doing enough about cleaning up the environment. This is a good planet.

3. The private enterprise system indicates that some people have higher incomes than others.

4. Patience is not a virtue, it is a waste of time.

5. Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.

6. I either Get what I want or I change my mind.
- Anonymous.

7. Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.

8. Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard

9. Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.
- Unknown

Very Funny Smart Quotes and Sayings

1. A lot of beautiful people are stupid. There’s a tremendous amount of idiots who look so good. It’s frightening.

2. If aliens are looking for intelligent life?! WHY THE HECK ARE YOU SCARED?!

3. A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

4. It’s good to be clever, but not to show it.

5. To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

6. A difference of tastes in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
- George Eliot

7. Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.
- Anonymous.

8. Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

9. To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.
- Voltaire

Very Funny Short Sayings and Quotes

1. It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.

2. I say no to drugs, but they don’t listen.

3. You can’t just let nature run wild.

4. Being cool, is not trying to be cool.

5. Golf is a good walk spoiled.
- Mark Twain

6. I am short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.
- Woody Allen

7. ARCHITECT is One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.
- Ambrose Bierce

8. Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard

9. To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.
- Gustave Flaubert

Funny Quotes and Sayings

1. A lot of beautiful people are stupid. There’s a tremendous amount of idiots who look so good. It’s frightening.

2. With fame I become more and more stupid, which of course is a very common phenomenon.

3. When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” Don’t answer him.

4. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid all together.

5. The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it.

6. Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.
- Roseanne

7. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
- George Burns

8. Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

9. Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.
- Anonymous

Redneck Jokes

Ahhh, the haiku.
Few poetic styles evoke such stirrings of the soul. Someone sent me these lovely and heart-touching red neck and trailer park haikus.
I’m happy to give proper credit to the talented poet or poets who so beautifully capture the heart of the trailer park. But for now, the creator/s must remain a mystery.
And as these poems show, the haiku is a poem which evokes the Mystery of Life. Enjoy, and let your heart be touched!

DESIRE

Damn, in that tube-top
You make me almost forget
You are my cousin.

BEAUTY

Naked in repose
Silvery silhouette girls
Adorn my mudflaps.

REMORSE

A painful sadness
Can't fit big screen TV through
Double-wide's front door.

DEPRIVED

In WalMart toy aisle
Wailing boy wants wrestling doll
Mama whups his ass.

OPTIONS

Unemployment's out.
Hey, maybe I can get on
Disability.

Redneck Jokes

Ahhh, the haiku. Few poetic styles evoke such stirrings of the soul.
Someone sent me these lovely and heart-touching red neck and trailer park haikus. I’m happy to give proper credit to the talented poet or poets who so beautifully capture the heart of the trailer park.
But for now, the creator's must remain a mystery. And as these poems show, the haiku is a poem which evokes the Mystery of Life.
Enjoy, and let your heart be touched!

BLAZE

Distant siren screams
Dumb-ass Verne's been playing with
Gasoline again.

A NEW MOON

Flashlights pierce darkness
No nightcrawlers to be found
Guess we'll gig some frogs.

EXUBERANCE

Joyous, playful, bright
Trailer park girl rolls in puddle
Of old motor oil.

ALONE

Seeking solitude
Carl's ex-wife Tammy files for
Restraining order.

HATRED

I curse the rainbow
Emblazoned upon his hood
God damn Jeff Gordon.

Guy-Lady funny Jokes

Guy: “If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
Lady: “Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing”.

Guy: “Your body is like a temple.”
Lady: “Sorry, there are no services today.”

Guy: “I’d go through anything for you.”
Lady: “Good! Let’s start with your bank account. Then the door.”

Guy: “I would go to the end of the world for you."
Lady: “Yes, but would you stay there?"

Guy: “Is this seat empty?”
Lady: “Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.”

Guy: “So, wanna go back to my place ?”
Lady: “Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?”

Guy: “Your place or mine?”
Lady: “Both. You go to yours and I’ll go to mine.”

Guy: “I’d like to call you. What’s your number?”
Lady: “It’s in the phone book.”

Guy: “But I don’t know your name.”
Lady: “That’s in the phone book too.”

Guy: “So what do you do for a living?”
Lady: “I’m a female impersonator.”

Guy: “Hey, baby, what’s your sign?”
Lady: “Do not Enter”

Guy: “How do you like your eggs in the morning?”
Lady: “Unfertilized !”

Guy: “Hey, come on, we’re both here at this bar for the same reason”
Lady: “Yeah! Let’s pick up some chicks!”

Guy: “I know how to please a woman.”
Lady: “Then please leave me alone.”

Guy: “I want to give myself to you.”
Lady: “Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.”