Short Funny Quotes

1. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

2. The government is not doing enough about cleaning up the environment. This is a good planet.

3. The private enterprise system indicates that some people have higher incomes than others.

4. Patience is not a virtue, it is a waste of time.

5. Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.

6. I either Get what I want or I change my mind.
- Anonymous.

7. Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.

8. Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard

9. Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.
- Unknown

Guy-Lady funny Jokes

Guy: “If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
Lady: “Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing”.

Guy: “Your body is like a temple.”
Lady: “Sorry, there are no services today.”

Guy: “I’d go through anything for you.”
Lady: “Good! Let’s start with your bank account. Then the door.”

Guy: “I would go to the end of the world for you."
Lady: “Yes, but would you stay there?"

Guy: “Is this seat empty?”
Lady: “Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.”

Guy: “So, wanna go back to my place ?”
Lady: “Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?”

Guy: “Your place or mine?”
Lady: “Both. You go to yours and I’ll go to mine.”

Guy: “I’d like to call you. What’s your number?”
Lady: “It’s in the phone book.”

Guy: “But I don’t know your name.”
Lady: “That’s in the phone book too.”

Guy: “So what do you do for a living?”
Lady: “I’m a female impersonator.”

Guy: “Hey, baby, what’s your sign?”
Lady: “Do not Enter”

Guy: “How do you like your eggs in the morning?”
Lady: “Unfertilized !”

Guy: “Hey, come on, we’re both here at this bar for the same reason”
Lady: “Yeah! Let’s pick up some chicks!”

Guy: “I know how to please a woman.”
Lady: “Then please leave me alone.”

Guy: “I want to give myself to you.”
Lady: “Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.”