Short Funny Quotes

1. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

2. The government is not doing enough about cleaning up the environment. This is a good planet.

3. The private enterprise system indicates that some people have higher incomes than others.

4. Patience is not a virtue, it is a waste of time.

5. Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.

6. I either Get what I want or I change my mind.
- Anonymous.

7. Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.

8. Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard

9. Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.
- Unknown

Very Funny Smart Quotes and Sayings

1. A lot of beautiful people are stupid. There’s a tremendous amount of idiots who look so good. It’s frightening.

2. If aliens are looking for intelligent life?! WHY THE HECK ARE YOU SCARED?!

3. A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

4. It’s good to be clever, but not to show it.

5. To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

6. A difference of tastes in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
- George Eliot

7. Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.
- Anonymous.

8. Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

9. To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.
- Voltaire

Very Funny Short Sayings and Quotes

1. It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.

2. I say no to drugs, but they don’t listen.

3. You can’t just let nature run wild.

4. Being cool, is not trying to be cool.

5. Golf is a good walk spoiled.
- Mark Twain

6. I am short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.
- Woody Allen

7. ARCHITECT is One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.
- Ambrose Bierce

8. Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard

9. To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.
- Gustave Flaubert

Funny Quotes and Sayings

1. A lot of beautiful people are stupid. There’s a tremendous amount of idiots who look so good. It’s frightening.

2. With fame I become more and more stupid, which of course is a very common phenomenon.

3. When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” Don’t answer him.

4. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid all together.

5. The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it.

6. Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.
- Roseanne

7. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
- George Burns

8. Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

9. Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.
- Anonymous